Hi Reader,
I feel like I’m in a slump. It could be hormones. It could be the changing seasons; I am, afterall, chronically depressed. Allegedly. Seasonal affective disorder has been known to strike here.
It’s hard for me to write when I feel this way because I feel very “who cares” about everything.
I think in order to get out of this, I need to take action.
I want to be a writer and an artist, yet I never write (the things I want to be writing), nor do I make art. How, exactly, do I expect that to work out for me? Magic?
Honestly, I feel like I shouldn’t be doing either of those things. They feel… frivolous, almost. I feel like I haven’t earned it, that I need to do something more useful with my time in order to deserve doing the things I love.
But I want to do the things I love full time. I know my skill will only get better with time and practice, so it’s completely illogical that I feel guilty for doing it. I’m improving my craft.
Writing and art are the two things that put me into that flow state that the internet talks about. They make me happy. Painting, in particular, makes me feel like life is worth living.
I think I need to find a way to make it a habit. I’m going to challenge myself this week to either write or paint something every single day. I’ll check in next week.
There are so many things I want to write about here- things I have written about- but I need to feel like I’m accomplishing something towards my personal goals, or I will feel like a fraud. After all, I can’t just talk about doing things without ever actually doing the things.
Hopefully by the end of this week, I will have lots to report back on.
Ta-ta for now.